It has been a tough week… tiring one… receive a new task on tue. That is to take orders for everyone durin e last 3 days of FY05. Everyone was so bz… it’s nt ez taking orders for 30+ ppl in my dept w 1 vegetarian & sum ‘anti-pork’ supporters. And tis oso mean I’ve to do OT jus to get their food & nt haf a share of em (cos I had no reason 2 do OT wen I had nuttin urgent to complete)! Their dinner wld arrive at ard6pm & I had to collect & distribute! Yep! Forgot to inform our assisting manager tt dinner had arrived yday. Wen I recalled & told her, she said, ‘huh? I’ve alr eaten!’ wow! She’s reali fast siaz… but cant blame me totally. Thou same dept, she sit w another dept in office de. Weird! Today, we had KFC & pizza. Okok, act pizza was onli for e 2 vegetarians in our office & 1 who’s sick. Yep! I din order my share but I ate pizza in e end. Thanks to tt lady who’s unwell… cos she cant finish & wana reward me (thou e meal was paid by e company) 4helpin her w so many tasks. Yep! She’s one of e few, who would ask me wen e food’s arrived, whether I’m hungry anot, wan try e food/share w em… yep! Onli few out of 30+ ppl. Tt’s how it works in e office. Others would onli pretend u r nt there (wen dey wld ask u ‘wat time our dinner arrive huh? I hungry liao leh!’ tis kinda qns.) or pretend to ask u onli AFTER they haf finish & not much food is left. Wat can I say? But I guess I stil made a quite gd fren at work… she’s 21 tis yr if I din rem wrongly. A v.interesting & friendly ger who’s well-liked by many of e ppl in e office. Yep! Oh ya! I’m no longer e new ger in CAC cos a new staff joined us on Mon! she’s sitting opp me!hopefully she'l enjoy her work! =)

Anw, tis week has reali been bz & fast! B4 I knew it, it’s fri le. It’s a gd ting la bt it’s reali tiring. Suffering frm my old injury nw. cant sit/stand for too long each day act. Den due to e many tasks, cant reali keep changing my sitting posture & causes e ache to return. But stil, I’m glad I’m kept bz! =) did 1 hr of OT since wed & 2hrs of OT today! Tink mon’ll be e last day I’m doin OT cos it’s e last day wen dinner’s provided! Haha! Auditors cumin in on tues again! Life’s nt gg to be easy nxt week… hopefully I can find sum time for myself…

shan, we din meet again... where r u?y din reply me again??? cla, so ya...u cant possibly join us today cos ms tee MIA again... no replies to my sms... haiz... so i did OT today... paiseh... din came online aft tt day...find another day k? receive my letter?

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It’s the start of e week again. Woo… wat can I say? MONDAY BLUES!!! It reali get worse wen u’ve nuttin to do…can onli sit there & daydream… daydreaming is bad… but still, thanks to a bunch of colleagues, e afternoon was made more interesting by a mini ‘treasure hunt’ they’ve planned for e colleague whose bday is last fri. Yep! Wat can I say? Tis colleague of mine is FULL of ideas… Who could haf imagine a reali GREEN cabbage can be used as a bday cake for sum1 who’s on diet??? Yes!!! With a burning candle stuck to it! Tis idea is reali as FRESH as e cabbage! Today, she could even tink of hafin a mini treasure hunt in e OFFICE! Wow! Pity e bday ger! She had a hard time finding all those clues… even had to walk to my place twice wen our seats r at one end each. & e treasure she will eventually get is just a piece of PORK!!! (but of cos, tt’s nt e main gift la!) so interesting!!! Hopefully e rest of e week wld be fun too… & packed! So that there wun be times for tots to come into my mind… yep! Cos it’s e onli time wen I can be free from all these… don haf to face all those ppl and tink of all those stupid stuffs….

Shan!!! Are we meeting tis fri for dinner??? Miss you soOo much!!! So long never see u le!!!

Sharon: we still mtg tis wed for discussion??? So excited abt it!!!

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Another week is gone…just lidat…fast siaz… tml gg to watch e movie ‘yrs, mine & ours’ or ‘dorm’! So long nv watch movie le…yep… hope it’ll be nice!!! My colleague posted up her baby photos online… so cute la… innocent and free of worries… so many pictures loh… more than 500 all on her baby…while lookin at e pics w my colleague, an idea suddenly strucked me! Haha! Next time wen I haf a kid too, I’m gg to take lots photos of him/her too! During all his/her stages of life… how he/she grows as e days pass… den show him/her wen dey grow up or rather let tt be their 21st bday present... So interesting… (haha! Tis idea can be used for ‘re lian zhong de nan nü’ too! *Sharon, more ideas for u! Haha!* ) yep! Anyway, tis week has been kinda hectic… super bz on alt days… I like bz days cos time passes more quickly but at e same time, I’d b so tired aft work… today, I took sum time off to slack in e filing room… too tired of everything. So I just left everything behind (incl. my hp) & went in there. It’s a v.cold room but it’s so quiet & peaceful in there. Just shelves of files & documents… just as I was enjoying e peacefulness there, memories ‘invaded’ my brains… lots… don wish to tink of em so I get out of e peaceful room n back to my desk. At least I’m kept occupied there & wun haf time to tink. New staff coming on mon. wonder hw will it be like. Rem I was so lost on my first day. It has been 2+months since I work in SONY… kinda get used to it le… went for training yday… but it’s jus a ‘technical’ one… learn how to use e new cannon machine… amazed by its functions… imagine u can do a SECURED printing tt prints only wen u type in yr password. Stil got lots functions… glad I managed to learn sum new stuffs. Guess tis is one of e few sessions wen I reali get to learn new stuffs… wonder how will it be like on my last day of work…

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22nd MARCH 3.05PM

Things are getting weird…getting confused… wat are their r/s? they go for lunch tog everyday, chat, laugh & discuss stuffs tog during office hours. But why isit tt once dey leave office aft wk, dey r like total strangers? Don sit tog on bus & even aft dey alighted from bus, dey stand apart from each other. Always tot dey ain’t just colleagues but good frens. But now, I’ve my doubts. Are dey reali JUST colleagues or tis is e so-called friendship in the working society??

There is a mini-celeb today in CAC. It was a treat by e 10 Arabian ladies who won e 5th prize of D&D. it is one of the rare occasion where e pantry will be filled w CAC staffs. Some, whom I’ve veri lil’ contact with, asked me along while those I spend more time w, just went to eat themselves. Some even asked if I’ve eaten enuff & volunteer to help me take. Quite nice rite? But at other times, dey are just like total strangers to me. Cold & unfriendly… reali don understand. Are dey consider as frens too? Wat is e difference b/w colleagues & frens? In future, wun we be seeing our colleagues more than our friends? If they are not consider as frens, wun we be leavin in a world w/o frens in future?? Who are those ppl ard me? Are dey reali frens of mine??? How close am I to em? How close are dey to me??? Haha! All tis are getting complicated…

Heard from mom tt my grandma & aunt will haf to move house soon… forced to shift cos e place dey are living in will be tear down or used for other purposes I guess… at first, I was kinda happy cos dey can move to a bigger place. Den we will haf more space when we are having our gatherings. But on second tot, I wonder wat will happen. I guess my grandma & aunt will haf lil’ chances of living so near to each other anymore. Wat will happen to ah ma? Guess tis is wat my mom’s worrying about too… another ting is… e flat ah ma is living in currently has lots memories for all of us. It’s where i spent my childhood days… where my mom spent her teenage life. Where all of us gather together every now and then & hold BBQs & badminton games… fond memories…wat will it be like in future???

my visions are getting blur…or isit onli now that I’m seeing things clearly???

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Finally it’s weekend again… Love Fridays… but yday was a horrible day for me thou weekend was nearing… hate confrontations & quarrels but guess they are jus unavoidable. It’s not the first time tis happen but tis is the first time I reali ‘participated’ in it. Hate myself! If only I could bear with it, if only I wasn’t present, if onli…….den perhaps tings wun be that bad & there wun be so much more unhappiness??? Was reali angry in the beginning… but as it went on, I was more hurt than angry. The feeling is jus like someone stabbing yr heart, once… twice…thrice… why do I haf to put up with all tis crap over and over again? Why cant my heart just hardened and stop bothering myself with all this??!! Why do I still shed tears wen I’ve told myself I won’t be affected by this anymore? Not by this incident anymore! Why do they always have to disobey my wishes? I don wan to be look down by him. Without him, perhaps all tis will never happen and we will all be happy. Are we really at fault??? Perhaps both parties are. But who won’t be angry if you’ve seen his attitude? Someone as stubborn as him… as unreasonable as him… always thinking that he’s e right one, tinking that we are e one who haf done him wrong. But why? Why don’t he tink of all the things we haf done for him? Always saying that he din owe us anything… perhaps he is right… all the tings we haf done for him, all e crap we put up with… are wat we owed him in our previous lives and haf to repay him in this life. He tinks that we don understand him, but has he ever try to put himself in our shoes? I doubt he ever will… just one selfish guy… Can we or rather can I just gif up on him? Just stay away from his affairs and get on w my own life. Wat will happen in future? Will we even say ‘hi’ wen we walk past each other along e streets? Wat will happen to em wen we grow up? It reali terrifies me to tink abt it. Perhaps that’s why I’ve never found an answer to this question… suddenly wish that I’ll never grow up. Just continue to be a toddler at e age of 2 or 3. Wen ‘troubles’ is the word that will never come to yr mind. Why am I e eldest in e family? How I long for an elder sibling…so that I wun haf to face all this? Even if haf, also wun be that much…

Enuff abt that le… don wish to tik abt it anymore. If only human brains can be like CPU hard disk. All u haf to do is just select the file u wish to discard & press ‘delete’ and those tt u don wish to remember will be gone forever…

Sum notes to sum ppl:

Tsai: I cant tag on yr blog so can onli tok abt it here. U ah… don tink so much too k? everything will work out de… just take it as a test for both of u ba. All e best! SMILEZ~~~~

Sharon: I’ve asked my colleague. Shld be able to get leave…You? Are we still exchanging books or u wan stop le?

Dilys: how’s life??? Take care ya? Msg me more often… rotting in e office!!!

Clara: I’m still waiting to try yr cheesecake!!! =)

Shuxian: congrats on passing yr test!!! Waiting to be yr first passenger… =P

HH: thks alot4helping me w e photos… but can u pls leave blog stuffs to blog onli? Anything u wan clarify jus tag k? and not ask me ‘outta blog’… hope u get wat I mean… hope u enjoy e music diary disc & e vcds…

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haven been blogging for a long time so tis gona be a long entry...

Yep…1st of march had been a nightmare to me…
How I wish I could wake up from it.
Days passed & I noe tt tis won’t be possible…
It’s reality & I reali haf to face it.
The cold, hard truth…

What lies ahead for my future remains a mystery to me…
I have no idea & don dare to pin too much hope.
For I noe, e more hope I possess, e harder it’l be if I fail.
Perhaps I shall just take things in my stride.
Just sorry to disappoint those who truly care for me.

A yr ago aft collecting Os results, I went Swensens too.
Same shop just diff outlet but totally different mood.
E ppl ard me were not e same & tt’s all tt’s different.
But still, I’m reali grateful to shuxian bt nt cos of e treat.
But cos she kept her word & kept me company wen I reali nd em.

Yes shuxian! Reali thanks for all you’ve done!
W/o u I guess tt day would be worst than a nightmare
Thanks…ThAnKs…THANKS!!!
Millions of thanks oso insufficient…
Just wan tell u…I’m reali glad to haf u as my fren!

Just wana express my deepest gratitude to another 2 ppl, other than sx, who had been reali concerned abt me during e few days…

My “online” kor--- I guess many of u wun noe who is he so don be surprised. Yes, he’s sum1 whom I’ve accidentally met online few yrs ago & I’ve met him twice face-to-face onli I tink. But we’ve been keeping in contact since den. surprising rite? I mean who’d bother 2 kp in contact w sum1 whom u’ve seen less than5x?! but he did make e effort to do it. Updating me abt his work & love life, asking me if I’m ok w everything & if I nd his help. Even on e day b4 e results were released, he alr msg me2ask me 2relax&nt2get too worried. Reali grateful to him. After he knew my results, he just consoled me & encourage me… giving me advices & cheering me up… reali grateful…tt’s how we maintain tis r/s I guess… thou I tink he wun be reading tis, I stil wan say thanks to him. Will never forget his efforts to cheer me up & gif me more confidence to face all tis…

Meishan--- hmmmm…thou we din reali tok in sch on e day wen results were released, she knew tt I was upset w my grades & stil make an effort to sms l8r on tt day & e day after… like shuxian, she oso gave me lots advices & wat I can do… just tried & tried to get me to hang on & get on w everything & nt gif up. Reali appreciate what she had done… thanks a lot!

Yep! Thanks to all tis ppl, I managed to get tru my nightmare period… thanks a lot! & of cos nt to forget, those who drop me sms to show their concern. Thanks a lot!

Farewell for soonhui (4th march) --- tis farewell was kinda last min but stil I’m glad it turn out kinda successful even thou there was a heavy downpour tt afternoon… it’s a pity dil couldn’t make it. Okok… e few of us had dinner @ BentoBox while waiting for Sharon. Den we crap & crap & walked rd jp loh… trying to catch up w each other. Wen TL came, we were abt to leave le looh. All cos of him, I couldn’t go home… imagine I took more than 1hr to reach hm frm JP!!! Becos of him, we ended up chatting at my void deck for more than an hour! Crap a lot but it’s so er xin wen e 2 guys ‘gay-ed’ ard la… Yucks! Sharon & dil, pls be warned… e guys said dey are gg to gay ard TOGETHER in NS… yucks! Good luck eh… anw, jus wana wish em all e best in Ns ba… oh ya! Congrats to pong & hh for having completed their first phase of their NS life…

8th March, 8.35am ---- was listening to my colleagues’ conversation. Wow is e onli word I can use. Found out tt she is still keeping contact w her secondary & primary sch frens!!! My god! They haf been mtg at least once every 2 months & celebrating each other’s bdays! So wonderful rite? She even said tt their friendship din fade off even after dey set up their own families. In fact, they grew closer to each other… sth even more amazing!!! Her hubby is actually her primary sch classmate!!! Guess they r reali fated… Now den I noe…such tings do happen in reality… it is just whether it’l happen to u anot…wonder if it will happen to anyone of us…

Tsai: was kinda worried abt u wen u msg me tt day…are u sure u are ok??? Anything pls msg me k? can share w me de…anytime, anywhere. I know tt all tis tings are so uncertain… anything mite change anytime… but u haf my word, no matter how we change, u still haf my friendship k? take gr8 care of yrself & try nt to tink so much… cya soon!

yep!all tis make me realise all r/s are reali unpredictable but fragile...all due to e fact tt everything changes...who are reali yr true frens???it's onli tru all tis ups and downs u face in yr life wen u can see who are yr so-called true frens... onli deep in yr heart,u can discover e truth...

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