*din realise tt tis post is REALLY long & lengthy. all e words & tots jus came to me naturally. so if u dislike lengthy posts. PLEASE IGNORE tis post.*
Often I've asked myself... Being on tis land for so many years...
what have i achieved???
what have i done???
wenever faced with tis qn,
i'm unable to say anything.
i've been a daughter, a fren, a student, an elder sister etc etc...
e list could go on forever.
tis r e social identities tt i hold.
i guess most of us r e same.
but how successful m i in these roles??
years after years, i've tried my best to fulfil to all of em...
but i guess perhaps the highest level i achieved is jus slightly above e half mark.
half buckets of water.
wen will i achieve more??
& wat abt my true self???
e moment we stepped onto tis piece of land,
our true self gave way to our social selfs
n slowly... everyone begins to lose themselves.
how much truth is present in every sentence u made?
"nvm, it's alright. don worry abt it..."
R u sure it's reali alright? how worried is e person who make e question of his/her so-called concern??
"Yep, i'm fine. thanks for your concern."
How 'fine' r u? R u sure tt u'll reali be fine & not affected in anyway???
do u reali appreciate e concern u seems to receive or u jus wan to end e topic asap?
"i'll try to get over it. well, forgive & forget rite?"
well, u mite be able to forgive. but r u able to forget?
u mite tink that others r at fault. bt wat abt yourself??
tis is wat i've been constantly tellin myself since young.
i don wan/wish to comment too much @ times for i fear...
i fear tt i'll end up makin tt mistakes tt i once pointed out.
humans r creatures who r quick to find excuses for their own mistakes but often they overlook the fact that they mite be making the same mistakes over n over again. wat does that imply??
often, i mite suddenly get angry over an issue or a person.
i mite b so angry tt e tot "i don ever wan to tok to e person again!" jus appeared.
bt i'd try hard to stop all tis tots n recap all e wonderful memories that i shared with e person.
be it the tings he/she had done for me or the words she/he said tt encouraged me.
of cos, i wun noe how much truth dere is cos everyone say tt tis world is corrupted. corrupted w hypocritism n unfairness.
BUT i chose to believe e ppl ard me.
not e sentence tt e world is corrupted
but e fact tt dey r true to me.
tt dey r e ppl who'll be dere wen i'm happy...
be dere wen i'm upset or nd a listening ear...
point out to me my mistakes & forgiving me...
giving me advices wen i seem lost in life...in my own world.
at tis point of tot...
my anger'd hav disappeared n dere i'm...
treating everything as before
n tryin to be e best daugher/fren/sister watever all over again
n perhaps, e true self has to be sacrificed
n hidden once more without ME knowing.
alot of tings tt i've strived to do well...
bt often wen tings din turn out e way i wan/hope
helpless n distress mite b e onli words to describe.
i noe that alot of tings in this world will not go smoothly as we wan.
bt of cos anyone would wan e most perfect imperfect that they can achieve.
i guess alot of tings in life boils down to tis few words...
1) Trust ---to believe in e ppl u care abt.
2) Acceptance --- to accept ppl for who they are n not wat u wan em to be.
3) RE-Acceptance --- to give yrself & others a chance if one shld erred.
4) Courage & Persistence --- to be able to do e above 3 over n over again & believe in yrself.
jus bot a book.
it's called "If LIFE is a GAME, THESE are the RULES."
by Cherie Carter-Scott
yep. it's e 1st time i bot tis kinda self-help book.
came across tis bk n it seems nice.
10rules for being human.
yes. i hope tat aft reading...i'd be a better being.
RULE #1: You will receive a body.
Whether u love it or hate it, it'll be yours for your duration on Earth.
So why not Accept yourself for who you are?
Will spend more time to read tis book & try to understand those profound meanings.
Gimme sum time & give yourself & e ppl ard u more time.
to be a better being on Earth.
for all of u r being cherished!
by me, by yr loved ones, by ppl who care.
to those who act. took e efforts to follow tru tis post of mine. sorry to take up yr time.
pardon me for any unpleasantness i've ever caused etc.
for i'm still learnin...
n don worry. i'm fine.
tis is jus one of e posts to free all my tots.
alot of ppl mite tink tt i'm indept n strong psychologically (is tt rite?)
bt deep down, i guess everyone has their own 'brittle' side.
我不是你想像那么勇敢
bt it's ok.
i'm fine & i WILL be fine!
anw, tis is jus one of e posts where i wish n wan to say out everything in my head. it doesnt mean anything or refer to anyone in particular. jus sum lengthy random tots. don put em to heart. n if u don agree w sum points tt i've made, u can choose to ignore e whole ting or share w me yr views aft reading if u wish k? :P
time to hit e bed!!!
happy birthday shuxian!
(if you're reading tis!)
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