2011

Another hiatus...before I know it, 2011 had bade goodbye to me and what welcomed me is 2012.

Got a feeling my memory is failing me ever since I stepped into the working world. I can no longer remember things that clearly. Yes, I can't remember some of the more memorable happenings in 2011 other than the month of December. I guess I should try to find the 'lost momentum' and get myself starting to blog once more. If not, I wouldn't have anything to remind me if I don't blog. :)

2011 should be quite a busy year for all Singaporeans with the 2 major elections happening together at the same year. In May 2011, we had the GE. It was the first time I'm eligible to vote and also the first time i'm able to participate in the preparation of elections. It was a period of challenge. Juggling the whole branch by myself, with daily meetings to attend and to churn out the minutes of meetings by the same day as the secretariat. It was the first time i'm exposed to such 'operations meetings' and thus the first few meetings were quite challenging. Having to take down quick notes and also to decipher all the shorthands. Luckily, I have some nice colleagues (though not many) who actually explained to me about it. Days passed and I managed to get through it. It was also the first time I worked through Labour Day and the weekend. Meaning, I worked 2weeks without any 'off'. Finally, it was time for all of us to vote & that ended the many nights of rally etc. I thought the 'busy period' would be over after polling day until I received another project - to organize a movie appreciation for the entire division. Wow! First time dealing with this again and although there were some hiccups here and there, we managed to pull it through. People might not appreciate our efforts but well, we can't please anyone, everyone all the time can we? We just hope that most people appreciate the efforts & enjoy the treat.

All work makes a man dull. Yep! After the GE, I attempted to clear as much backlog as possible and also to spend more time with my loved ones. So, this is the first year I booked a chalet for the whole family! Whole as in relatives included! Celebrated Mothers' Day with them on behalf of my late grandma and to cheer all the mothers up. I attempted to make a montage out of their old black and white photos and it was played during the chalet. Listening to their laughters and witnessing the smiles on their faces made everything worth it - the sleep I forgo, the time I spent to organize this chalet for them, all for the few minutes of joy that the montage had given them. Hopefully they were all happy.

The 7 Sisters

Family Chalet 2011

Although there are no long trips out of singapore, there were quite a number of short trips out of singapore. Simple yet contended. After the trip out of singapore in Feb for pre-vday celeb, the next trip would be to Batam in August with S1. To me, it was alright as I'm just looking forward to a trip to rest and relax, to take my mind away from all the work and also from the bustling city. Therefore, the lack of activities there did not really bother me much. I enjoyed the company of S1 (although he dozed off much earlier and suddenly while we were watching tv), the food and the massage. The massage was really good and relaxing though initially we felt a bit weird as the whole concept is quite 'open' yet concealed. A good short getaway. The only regret that is that we actually missed such a beautiful fireworks, thinking that the sound arose from some performance. Next time, we should be more adventurous and check them out!

July came and I din know that there was a surprise waiting for me at the first hour of my bday. Thanks to the efforts by my dear and my group of friends who were in cahoots part of the surprise. :) A nice lychee martini cake and a Fossil wallet which I love. & YES!!! After waiting for so long, I finally get to attend Fish Leong's concert @ Indoor Stadium! She is just wonderful! Great voice, great singer! :) If there is another chance, I believe I'll go again. =)

Thankew for the surprise!

The most 'wanted' lunch

In August, we managed to obtain tickets to the NDP and this time round, we had 6 tickets!!! So, this time round, on top of my family, my silly ben ben came along with us! It was the first time he went to NDP after his pri school! hahaha! Nice experience and I still like the fireworks segment best! :)

Melting under the hot sun!

Next will be my first trip to Genting in September! Other than the long journey, the trip is great! First time to Genting after spending 24 years on ear and first time to enter and play in the casino. Great experience, great cooling weather and not forgetting the wonderful meals that were fully sponsored by the Uncle. I miss the cooling weather and those nice food! Of cos, I miss going on trips with Ben Ben.

October, a memorable month for the sillys! Yep! This October marks our 3rd year together! :) 1095 days of silliness, happiness and love. It started off with a wonderful lunch, followed by a night at MBS with Simba and Nala. Thanks Dear for the night! 3years of silly times, it is not a short period of time. Thanks for all the understanding and not finding fault with me! Love u!

1095 days and still counting...

2 more months before the end of 2011 and as usual, it was 2 busy months! Nothing much happen in November other than my office retreat at Pulau Ubin and celebrating Ah Heow's bday at 15mins! Retreat @ Ubin was good other than the expensive food + commando mosquitoes! Lots of fun kayaking, beach soccer, captain's ball and card games @ night.  Dinner at 15 Minutes was great too! A simple celebration for Ah Heow cum a mini gathering as well. Haha! It was also the night of the 'red moon' eclipse if I din rem wrongly. Nice catching up with the clique and I'm glad things are going great for most of them! :)

Bday boy & e 2 ladies!

December started with a day spent with my loved ones. Yep. Brought my parents to take the flyer together with the river cruise. It was the first time we went out together with silly dear. First time my parents took the river cruise with us and first time I went on Flyer. We had fun and lots of food. The most memorable part of the day was the flyer. My mom just refused to budge once she stepped into the capsule. She was practically glued to the seat despite our attempts to make her stand up and enjoy the scenery! It was so funny for us but scary for her. Evil us but we just can't help it. Hope there will be more of such trips in future.

The year ended with a blast @ Studio M Hotel consecutively for 2 weeks. First was the xmas countdown with the usual group. We had fun playing with the different boardgames which we had and also the mini-gift exchange. Of cos, we seized the chance to take more group photos & continue to party through the night! We had lots fun with the 'werewolf game' and i had fun maligning my silly dear. haha! A fun and interactive game which made everyone alert to prevent being killed. The following week, me & silly dear went back to the same hotel again with his group of besties - The Refresh Key. Another group of fun people. We went Tiong Bahru Market for some brunch before checking in and then we started the photo-taking, counting down, boardgames & werewolf again. The werewolf game was classic. Some really funny things happened i.e., the same person getting killed first in every game, murderer/detective duno their roles. Finally, we bade goodbye to 2011 and we shared our 2012 resolution. May all of us fulfill our resolutions!

A group of friends whom I have known for quite a while...

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Save your tears for the moment which you really require them. How apt. If we are able to save our tears like how we attempt to save our money, how good that will be. We would not need to shed tears over unnecessary moments or arguments.

Almost reaching a quarter of a century on Earth, what have we learnt? A quarter of a century of wisdom? Of humor? Of relationships? Have we moved on from where we strive to move away from? Or have we learnt to let go of the trivialities to hold onto the important ones? Are we still as naive as we were when we were in primary education?

Most of us are out in the working society whereby we were dreaming of entering when we were young. To learn to be independent, to be able to hang out with our friends, our beloved ones and most importantly - to enjoy life and live life to the fullest. Who knows, we overlook the hidden terms and conditions. The chore of completing homework, studying for exams, looking for the perfect job and soulmate, keeping in touch with the people whom you want to, earning money to chase after all the technological gadgets, all the wants and desires that we never know were so hard to achieve when young.

We overlooked a powerful friend - Change. As we are working hard towards our desires, our dreams, we forget that we are changing...with the changing environment. It is either you change with it or lose to it. Change in the right way and you will be nearer to your goals, taking the risk of losing yourself. Or the people around you. I guess we can't blame one for changing. It is not his or her fault. It is 'Change' fault. Priorities change. Mine change to a certain extent. I believe yours and everyone else change as well. Responsibilities change as well.  If you are able to hang on to your dreams, your changing life and yet keep all the people around you, good for you. However, how possible can that be? People come and go, perhaps, a better way is to let go and give them your blessings. Memories keep us alive but we can't keep living in memories.

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Woke up this morning thinking of you..


阿嬷，您好吗？好久没去看您了。。。

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也许放手没有我想像的那么困难。。。
我想今天是开始的第一步。。。希望不是我做得太绝吧。。。也许是一种自卫的表现。。。
人们都说了，付出的多，伤害就越大。。。所以不要付出太多不就没事？ 也许这就是生存的方程式吧！
加油！不要再掉下去了！！！

再过9天，就是3年了！ 哈哈！ 时间过的真快！！！ But I'm still enjoying every moment with silly! :)

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原来

说了那么多，换来的却是一句 ‘we should reflect ’。。。

无话可说，也许是我们太爱管闲事了。不知道原来你是那么看我们的。。。

感觉心寒，无话可说。。。是时候放开了吗？ 但又舍不得。。。为何我那么逊？

原来一切也没什么了不起。。。原来结果还是一样，以往的努力最终还是徒劳无功。。。

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第二个100天

七月九日，您已经离开我们两百天了。。。

算起来很久，但是，那痛心的一天好像离我们没那么久。。。心好像还隐隐作痛。。。
那几天的情节好像还在我的脑海里。。。

但是您放心，我们会坚强地走下去。。。您会一直留在我心里的。。。

最近，我的 ITouch 一直在放这同样一首歌 － “阿嬷的话”

每次听见这首歌，脑海里都会浮现以前的画面，也会让我不由自主地开始留下眼泪。好怀念那些日子。。。

七月九日，和笨笨一起挑战这首歌时，我真的差点哭出来。。。我避自己把眼泪收回去。。。不是很成功，但是起码没哭出来。希望您在天上能够听见我们的祝福，希望您能看见我们的成功而为我们感到骄傲。。。

这首歌献给您。。。

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HumanTies..

It dawned upon me that I have known most of my friends for at least 12yrs and e most can go up to...15yrs? My god... It seems like yesterday when I first reported to JPS then going to NHSS on the first day with my dad, followed by to SAJC and finally graduating from SIM.. So many years had passed since then. kinda scary isnt it? 


We have been learning alot of things since the day we were borned. New things to be learnt at different stages of life. However, I believe some of the stuffs will be lifelong learning. An example wld be interpersonal relationships...


All of us will meet different ppl in our lives..there will be tough choices to make and tedious efforts to be put in. Ppl always say..it is hard for 2 persons to meet on Earth amidst e billions of ppl. However, I tink maintaining e relationship is harder than letting 2 persons meet.
& I am referring to all kinds of relationships and not just love. 


Throughout the r/s, I believe there will be a lot of misunderstandings and clashes due to both internal and external reasons. What most impt is to be able to know the root of the problem, resolve and walk out of it. I guess this is sth that a lot of us may experience difficulties.


At times, things are just uncontrollable at times, beyond our control. However, it really depends on how much efforts one have put in. Never let your first excuse become the reason of your subsequent excuses. There might be alot of differences between two people and there might not really be a perfect solution to the problem but the main thing is how much efforts you put in to try to resolve the problem. I believe if the other party sees the effort u put in to resolve the differences, he/she will be touched and your excuse will no longer be an excuse but a reason behind your actions.


Of cos, this is not something that one person can achieve. It takes two hands to clap and similarly, it takes two persons to maintain the relationship. How much do you expect one to contribute? What is the threshold for the other party to tolerate? Hmmmm....


Sometimes I really feel tired in maintaining these kinda relationships....how much can i tolerate? How much can I give in? Why am I finding all these excuses for the other party? Nope. Maybe I'm not so thoughtful or good. Perhaps I'm just finding excuses for myself in the excuses for the other party... to avoid the harsh reality? Perhaps. Or maybe I'm just being unreasonable.. Perhaps this would be a better reason ba. Or is this another excuse for myself or the failed relationship? Oh well... I keep telling myself not to be bothered with people who don't care...but I have failed myself...


也许我真的应该狠下心来，什么也不管。当那一天到来时，不要怪我，因为我已经尽力，到了极限了。我不是超人，只是一个普通人，我也会累了。如果你是‘这么’珍惜我们的过去，如果你真的放的下，我也只能放手。毕竟我能做的也只是那么多。

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Miss you.

I still remember, the first time I dreamt of you, I cried. In both my dream and reality. I woke up crying and my pillow was soaked with tears.

It has been quite a while since I dreamt of you...

Last night, I dreamt of you once more. But this time round, I did not cry.

The scene was so familiar. The place where I would stay over with you during the holidays.

Entering the flat, seeing you seated at your usual sofa, eating fruits.

You smiled and called out to me as I called you. 

Speaking with you in my lousy hokkien, we exchanged updates about each other.

Sipping the aromatic coffee brewed by you, you told me your worries.

I held your skinny hands and assured you that he will be fine. He isn't that immature.

Not sure how effective my words are, but I hope it did made you feel better.

Just as we were chatting happily, my stupid alarm clock had to ring and bring me back to reality.

So long grandma...till the next time you decide to drop by my dreams.

您要过得好好，因为我们也会过得好好的。

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1st Quarter

This is the 3rd month of the year. A quarter had passed just like that. Although it is only 3 months, a lot of things had happened. A lot of things both the good and the bad.

CNY this year was really quiet and different. A lot of changes. I din get to go to my aunt's house like past years. Someone dear to all of us were not there anymore. Though we looked happy, though we might laugh here and there, we all know, deep down, all of us ain't happy as before. I guess time don't really heal everything. The pain will still be there for the loss is permanent.

Next came the pre-vday celebration at jewel box. This was my first time taking the cable car from Mt Faber & I was the one who drove up there!!! Wahaha! We had a really good time dining up in the air. All these couldn't have been made possible without my dear silly. Silly dear, I know I have said this many times, but still, thank you for everything. For all your efforts and the surprise bouquet of roses. Your entrance into my life has really created a lot of wonderful moments and memories for my used to be mundane life.

Straight after the celebration, it is the long awaited trip. I shall say that on the whole, the trip was quite relaxing though there were some hiccups here and there. The major one will be my silly dear hurting himself!!! All thanks to the laser quest. This silly boy still attempted to make jokes with so much blood coming of the wound and when I'm already scared stiff.... But glad he is fine... Silly, don't worry k? the scar will not affect your image. Oh well, maybe there might be but minimal k? :)  Your eyebrow will do the trick! :) A different experience and hopefully we can go again, this time with a bit more ppl.

Managed to catch the episode of Homecoming on Jessica Liu. This episode touched my heart. Somehow I could relate to this.

1) Her relationship with her mom is similar to mine. We know the importance of each other but we never display our affections outrightly. We are people who have difficulties expressing our emotions to people who are dear to us. That scene of her and her sister presenting the personalized gift to their mother really made me very touched.

2) The friendship which she had with Ann Kok. She mentioned that she don't need to have a lot of friends for she has Ann, her soulmate and it is enough. How true that is. You just need someone who can be there for you all the while. Be it 'on stage' or 'off stage'. That will be enough to keep you going. At that moment, I really wonder. Who is the 'Ann Kok' in my life? Do I even have one? Yep, maybe I once had. Maybe I still do. But what about in future? At their age, will I still have anyone who is in that category? At times I really wonder. But for now, I just hope that in future, I'll be close to her 'level'...

Fate really plays a part in our lives. I have no doubts about it.
So many entrance and exits in my past 20odd years... So much that I do not dare to pin much hopes about anything.

You may think you have found someone whom you can really confide to... someone whom you can bare your heart to. someone...someone who you once believed that will always be there for you. Oh well, don't be silly. That may never happen at all. Similar to you, there will be people entering and exiting for his/her life. Priorities will change. Perhaps his/her thinking has changed. Even if he/she did not change on his/her own, the people surrounding them may result in their changes. Don't be silly. You won't be that important that he/she will stop his/her world from spinning just for you. Unless you are that important one for him/her. So snap out of it. Don't let him/her get you down just cos of all the past promises, childhood faithless promises. For all you know, you really don't mean a thing.

Perhaps it will be hard for you to find another one to open your heart to, perhaps you find it hard to close up the connecting door. But perhaps you will survive and will be fine?? Just take it easy, let go and all will be fine. =)

I've understand this. What about you?

From now onwards, I'll work hard for myself for the people who really love me. And I will take note of my words and make good of my words.

For those who I've hurt with my words, be it intentionally or not, be it my promises or criticisms, I'm sorry. I will try my best to avoid that in future.

A song so touching yet meaningful...

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Saying Bye to 2010...

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《《外婆》》

今天，我亲爱的外婆离开了我们。

从她跌倒入院已经3天，她也痛够了，3天太久了。

我们都很不孝，让她痛苦了。

虽然我们都很舍不得，但是还是得让她走。

我想，这也是对她的一种解脱吧。

我们应该让她安心地离开。

当护士要我们快点打电话时，我的心真的很痛，

眼泪不由自主地流，手和声音都有点颤抖。

我想这是自然反映吧。

看见我妈哭得那么厉害，我更担心。

还有我的阿姨们，她们到病房时会发生什么事？

虽然外婆离开了我们，但是她会留在我们心里。

她对我们的付出，不会被我们遗忘的。

～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～

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《《外婆》》

This weekend has been really bad one...

I have never seen so much people cry together at the same time...

Sat, I rushed back home upon hearing the news that my ah ma had a fall...

When I spoke to cousin over the phone, I still thought that things aint as bad as it sounds.

Cabbed with my mom, an aunt n a cousin over to Gleneagles.

Saw my cousin & his wife standing outside the A&E tearing.

I thought I saw wrongly. Or I was trying to make myself feel better & blocked out the negative thoughts.

Alighted the cab & I picked up a call from another cousin who have reached the hospital.

She started crying & my heart totally sank.

I don't know what to expect. I don't know what to think.

I just want to see my ah ma.

When I saw her, my heart aches.

The trio who went with me just broke down & started calling out to my ah ma.

But not me.

I held my mom back as they want to shift my ah ma into the ward.

My cousin say that I'm very brave as I din shed a single tear at the sight of my ah ma.

No. I'm not brave. I guess I'm just putting on a brave front.

My ah ma...She is already very thin.

And now, the fall had resulted in a black right eye. Bruise on her elbow and she could no longer respond to us normally. She had a big bump at the back of her head, & doc told us that the blood is clotting up in her brain. My heart sank even deeper. I fought back my tears, avoiding the stupid thought. But, I totally lose it when I heard what happen during the journey to the hospital. I duno how to react but just to walk away quickly. Away from all the familiar figures.

Then, my mom blamed me. I noe  she don't mean it. I noe she's already feeling very bad about it. My ah ma was still quite conscious when she was otw to hospital. But, when we reached, she already cant react much to our calls. Mom say if she noe i'm gg to be so late, she wouldn't have waited for me & would go to the hospital & perhaps she can catch my ah ma in her conscious state. That sentence is like a sword piercing through my heart. If I noe, I'd have cabbed all the way. I really din mean for these to happen. All these regrets. 

I'm sorry, Mom.

Soon, more relatives rushed down to visit my ah ma & we occupied the whole ICU.

Think we stunned alot of ppl with our strength & e way we cried.

Most of the times we were all lost deep in our own thoughts.

What appears before us is the harsh reality and the memories we had with our ah ma.

we may not speak it, but all of us love her. deeply.

Informed my bro to come to the hospital when he was stucked in camp for duty.

Even though I was scolded by my parents for telling him when he is in camp.

I don't care. I don't want to have any more regrets.

Taking the risk, he left camp to see my ah ma.

Ah ma, tt's how impt u are to us.

Decisions were there for us to make. Hard ones...

Finally, it was decided tt ah ma will be transferred to TTSH and most of us shld go back to rest.

I brought my family home and we had our dinner at 10pm.

Wasn't really hungry but I noe we all must eat to keep it gg.

I sorta slapped myself 4x in the bathroom when I let my mind wondered off.

Luckily there wasn't any marks left on my cheeks other than the slightly swollen eyes.

Tried to slp after talking to dear but I realised I cant really sleep.

At last, I dozed off at almost 3 but I woke up before 7.

By a sms. Followed by a phone call.

I never know a call will be that frightening.

Decided to go to TTSH w my auntie & uncle as my parents were out.

Heard sth which is really upsetting but I guess nothing matters to us other than our ah ma.

Reached the hospital & got the latest updates.

Avoided a stroke & organs will be losing their functions slowly.

Yes, we are at the mercy of time now.

tell me how. how is it possible to keep the tears away.

e whole morning was like watching "One Litre of Tears" all over again.

i tried my best not to cry in front of her.

If not, it'll be a silent cry as I don't want her to noe.

I couldnt take it & left the rm to sit alone in the lobby.

little do I noe, I'm not the only one.

we stared at each other blankly and just sat away from each other.

giving each other the space to cool down.

to pick ourselves up again.

To stay strong for her.

but the thoughts just kept my tears flowing...

& i realised i've no way to wipe my tears.

till i felt like my head is gg to explode at anytime.

till i do not have anymore strength to cry.

I'm so weak...

I cant do anything to help her.

I cant relieve her from e pain that she's suffering.

I cant talk to her & pretend tt nothing happens.

I've failed terribly.

Ah Ma, I'm sorry. I've not been a good grandchild to you over the past year. I hate myself for not being there for you...I hate myself for not spending more time with you. Everytime you fall sick, I told myself I'll try to spend more time with you. But everytime after a while, I'll slack off again. I'm sorry. I remember that night when you came over to stay with us. I shared the same bed as you in the room w no fan. I swear, I don't mind your snores and your fidgeting at night. Although I was kept awake the whole night, I'm glad you came over to stay with us. I remember the days when I stayed over with you when I was still a child. How you wake up to make drinks for me...the times I ate breakfast, drank the coffee made by you. You are the reason behind all e coffee addicts in the family. You are the one who's holding onto to the whole family. Although our family isn't perfect, although there are alot of differences in the family, I'm sure we understand and we still love you. You are a wonderful mother, a wonderful grandmother. I know, we might be at the mercy of TIME now but I still hope to hold onto miracle. All of us are waiting for you to eat dumplings with us. Cousins are still trying their very best to get tickets to come back. They are trying and you must try your best too. I know it hurts. Trust me, seeing you in this conditions, it hurts us equally. Let's fight this together k? You are not alone. All of us are with you. Bear this in mind, 

Nothing else but you matter now to all of us. We love you so much.

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Picking up...

Been a while since I last blogged. But this is gg to be my first entry on my mac. Yep. It's been so long since I got myself sth which I like. So I got this for myself. Treat it as an early Xmas gift to myself. shall wait for my pre-order hp to arrive too. Hopefully, it'll arrive just before Xmas! =)


Thinking back.. how often do I get sth or do sth tat make myself happy? Other than spending times with my loved ones.... maybe nothing else. Even when I'm spending time with my loved ones, do I feel happy cos I'm happy or cos they are happy? I really wonder... But I got to admit, feeling happy cos your loved ones is something good too.

Then how about the people around you? Do you try hard to please them? I don't think this should be the way right? To try hard to please them. Even if they are people who you are concerned about, should you do all these? Hmmmm... My point is, to a certain extent it can be done. Oh well, people always say "You happy, I happy". But are you really happy? Maybe when the person really attribute their happiness to your efforts. Maybe when the person rem the love, care and concern you have contributed in the unique relationship the two of you shared.

However, how often do these happen? Alot of times, things that happened maybe taken for granted. Alot of times, the consequences of something happening may not be the desired one. Many times, you think someone should not be reacting in this way 'cos that wasn't expected. But you like it or not, things don't always happen the way one desire.

There are times when I complained some stuffs to my mom & she'll always tell me "谁叫你去做这些吃力不讨好的事？人家开心领情，还好，不然只是自讨没趣。" In the past, maybe I won't agree with her. The naive me will be thinking "I treat people good, people will treat me good." However, the harsh reality has reflected that there are just some people who will sponge on others, who will just take one's goodness for granted. It makes me feel like an idiot at times.

把你的好心当狗粪 －this was what I overheard during one of the conversations my relatives had. Is that really true? On the other hand, some people might take people's concern as a form of entertainment. You may be worried, concerned & helpless in the situation. Worried that something might happen, concerned that things may backfire, helpless for there is no other replies & not knowing to con't with it or e-brake immediately. But, end of the day, it might just turn out that it's just a prank perhaps. & all your worries are unfounded. Not sure whether you should be happy about it or not. Maybe yes cos at least you din sabotage in anything but to yourself, at times it can be pitiful. People are having fun at the so-called misery whether they mean it or not. I know no one is perfect & I made mistakes too. Ya & I know at times it hurts....oh well...perhaps things just happen at the wrong time. Duno how this post end up in this manner too.

你的关心，担心在一瞬间变成了一场笑话。
感觉有点失望又有点悲哀而不是生气。
道歉，赔罪变成了一种没有意思的形式。
也许，事情发生在错的时间吧。
就让一切过去，把它丢在一旁，从新面对人与人之间的相处方式吧。

林俊杰的‘记得’，虽然不是新歌但是最近一直在广播听到。。。在这样的环境，我再次喜欢上这首歌。。。

I shall learn to protect myself...on top of silly's protection!

Just a few words for dear,

Thanks for the love, care & concern you've showered me with over the past 26months...
Thanks for putting up with my mood swings & sudden MIA when I'm at work...
Thanks for treating my family as your own, helping us whenever possible...
Thanks for accepting me for who I am...for loving me...
=)

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Yesterday was the 3rd time i went to NUH this year...
Received the news that ah-ma was hospitalised at almost 7pm when she was actually warded since morning!
Is it so hard to get us in the day time? They could get us at 11plus at night at our hp but duno how to get to us in the daytime?? Such excuses.... shouldn't be even made up in the first place.

Cabbed down with Mom & Bro... seeing her lying on the bed in ICU can be a painstaking sight. she used to be able to travel to market herself, visit the temple for her usual prayings. but now? no more. her appetite grew so small that she don't feel like eating anything much. she don't seem to be as 'conscious' of the surrounding as before although she still recognise us. I still rem the 2nd time she was warded to hospital. It was on my birthday and i left work 1hour earlier, cabbed down to visit her. I was trying my very best to converse in my cmi teochew-mixed up with-hokkien. Though it wasn't easy, i'm glad that we had that conversation. Due to my proficiency in dialect, i seldom talk to her in the presence of others. So, i'm kinda glad that I was able to talk to her but of cos, the setting could've been better.

I hope that she will be able to recover soon. Hearing her talk about her suffering from no appetite and frequent coughs can be quite upsetting. Hopefully, she'll regain her appetite soon and be discharged from hospital......

I miss the day she brought me to Bugis to pray and the days when I was young and how she fussed over us when we visit her.....

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Confusion

This is the tenth month at this job. Can I say that I'm more or less used to the work already? But at the same time, when i received or witnessed some issues, i still get affected by it. Some of the things which won't get on my nerves might get on my nerves at times. I'm beginning to lose confidence in some issues and lost my persistence in some of the things which I was once so persistent in keeping. Have I changed? Or I just cannot be bothered about those stuffs anymore?
After entering the society, I see the ugly side of this world. I mean, from young, we were taught how good this is... how 'holy' it is.... how they keep all of us safe... can i just use a word to describe it? shan't mention much here but i can say, we shld all learn to depend on ourselves. This was what i've been hearing too. How disappointing and discouraging to hear such remarks....


On the side note, someone whom I see almost everyday is getting divorced over a SINGLE argument with the wife. & yes, he has 2 kids who are not even in primary school. He might say that the trust is not there anymore, he's very hurt by his wife's remarks & distrust but oh pls, is that really the reason? Or he's just sick of being married after 7years. N yep, the legendary 七年之痒right? such conicidence right? I was really surprised that one person can let go of the r/s so quickly and so easily. if you tell me one or two years, maybe, if you are hardhearted enough. but 7 years? not including the period of time when they started dating. & it's over ONE argument. Is r/s so brittle & easily forgotten? & this is not the first divorce case i'm hearing about. it's like...so common in here.. I thought marriage is supposed to be 'holy' and should not be treated in such a way? where did all the promise and vows that were made go to? The thought of this can be quite sad... have they come to this conclusion cos of the word 'distrust' or is it due to the 'spark' that is missing after the marriage? or is it due to the fact that the novelty is just not there anymore? or they are just bored with marriage?


At times, I'm so confused. there is a thin line between love and hatred.... what about being concerned VS not trusting each other? are you trying to clarify or find fault or simply u don't have the trust anymore? & even if you do trust someone, is it realy trust? or can it just be you cant be bothered? is it empowerment or shirking?


life is confusing enough without all these....

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