Blogging...

In the past, when I hardly got to use the computer, I wished I could use it more often so that I can pen down my thoughts here. When smartphones came out, I told myself that once I am able to afford one, I can blog more often. Well, I did get my own phone but I failed to blog more. In fact, I blogged lesser and lesser. I used to chase people for photos so that I can keep them and look at them in future, I used to blog about events, about gatherings or note them down in diary. I used to write down all the birthday sms-es which I received every year. Again, the key words are 'used to'. 

Blogging allows one to recap the different milestones in life. The various great memories we shared with people who care and whom we care about. It helps us to 'store away' our memories virtually without worrying that we will lose them suddenly. However, it also allows us to hang on to some of the past which might results in more sorrows than happiness.

Every spring cleaning, every packing results in me reading old letters that were exchanged. Result = thinking about the past and how much things have changed. Then, I may end up feeling sad all over again. Of cos, one may say change is the only constant in the world I guess that is perhaps the only consolation one can give himself or herself. haha.  

Hope that I'm able to find back the "me" who has the urge to blog more often. N that I wun feel sad after i read through the old entires! :)

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家

你想要的‘家’是什么?

A home, isn't just a living room with a kitchen and a few rooms.

It isn't just a place with beautiful furnitures and furnishings.

A house full of strangers is definitely not a home.

A home is a place where you want to rest your tired feet, mind and body.

It is somewhere which you wish to go back to, to stay in.

A home is a place that is comfortable not just for the body but the heart as well.

家是我的避风港。

当我心灵受到伤害，好累好累的时候，休息疗伤的地方。

一个能让我卸下武装的家。

我想要的家。。。

是一个能让我准时下班，颇不期待想要回到的地方

一个能让我好好思考，好好放松的家。

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失去的感觉

经过了一些地方，想起一些事情，一些人。

事过境迁，好多事情也都变了。

有努力过，想要寻找以前的感觉 ，但是失败了。

感觉好奇怪，也许我们都放下了。

过去不能重来，感觉失去了也很难再找回。

只能继续走下去。

－失去的感觉－

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First Quarter of 2012

First Quarter of 2012... *poofs* came and go before we realized. It is going to be the start of a brand new FY for most of us working. The cycle starts again with the need to come up with new initiatives and more work plans. I am beginning to hate the sound of these 2 words. 3rd year into this post. Cannot forget what boss told me. First 2 years you are supposed to learn the stuffs, the processes and get comfortable with the way things are progressing. 3rd year onwards, you are supposed to look in depth, look at the systems and make changes for the better. Wow. Sounds easy but there are quite a bit of red tapes and inertia that are preventing me from moving.

Had a small chat with Director during the corporate advance. He asked me this "After being the HSQ for 2plus years, how do you feel? Are you sick of the job already?" As much as I want to say "No", I couldn't. Work can be really depressing at times when we are dealing mainly with the negative stuffs. But we are hanging on. What we need is strong trust and support from our bosses. If that can't be done, good luck to all of us. Things might just be stagnant. We are all trying to make things work out well, to make sure that we 'defend' the reputation of our organization but we need to work together with each other. Oh well, we shall see how things go. Perhaps, I can move on. What lies ahead? Abit hesitant to find out and leave the 'comfort' zone. But well, life still goes on... :)

First Quarter of 2012 was packed with events, retreats and more retreats.... snapshots of some events....

Delta Division Appreciation Dinner

Some shots with a colleague

With my branch! :)

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2011

Another hiatus...before I know it, 2011 had bade goodbye to me and what welcomed me is 2012.

Got a feeling my memory is failing me ever since I stepped into the working world. I can no longer remember things that clearly. Yes, I can't remember some of the more memorable happenings in 2011 other than the month of December. I guess I should try to find the 'lost momentum' and get myself starting to blog once more. If not, I wouldn't have anything to remind me if I don't blog. :)

2011 should be quite a busy year for all Singaporeans with the 2 major elections happening together at the same year. In May 2011, we had the GE. It was the first time I'm eligible to vote and also the first time i'm able to participate in the preparation of elections. It was a period of challenge. Juggling the whole branch by myself, with daily meetings to attend and to churn out the minutes of meetings by the same day as the secretariat. It was the first time i'm exposed to such 'operations meetings' and thus the first few meetings were quite challenging. Having to take down quick notes and also to decipher all the shorthands. Luckily, I have some nice colleagues (though not many) who actually explained to me about it. Days passed and I managed to get through it. It was also the first time I worked through Labour Day and the weekend. Meaning, I worked 2weeks without any 'off'. Finally, it was time for all of us to vote & that ended the many nights of rally etc. I thought the 'busy period' would be over after polling day until I received another project - to organize a movie appreciation for the entire division. Wow! First time dealing with this again and although there were some hiccups here and there, we managed to pull it through. People might not appreciate our efforts but well, we can't please anyone, everyone all the time can we? We just hope that most people appreciate the efforts & enjoy the treat.

All work makes a man dull. Yep! After the GE, I attempted to clear as much backlog as possible and also to spend more time with my loved ones. So, this is the first year I booked a chalet for the whole family! Whole as in relatives included! Celebrated Mothers' Day with them on behalf of my late grandma and to cheer all the mothers up. I attempted to make a montage out of their old black and white photos and it was played during the chalet. Listening to their laughters and witnessing the smiles on their faces made everything worth it - the sleep I forgo, the time I spent to organize this chalet for them, all for the few minutes of joy that the montage had given them. Hopefully they were all happy.

The 7 Sisters

Family Chalet 2011

Although there are no long trips out of singapore, there were quite a number of short trips out of singapore. Simple yet contended. After the trip out of singapore in Feb for pre-vday celeb, the next trip would be to Batam in August with S1. To me, it was alright as I'm just looking forward to a trip to rest and relax, to take my mind away from all the work and also from the bustling city. Therefore, the lack of activities there did not really bother me much. I enjoyed the company of S1 (although he dozed off much earlier and suddenly while we were watching tv), the food and the massage. The massage was really good and relaxing though initially we felt a bit weird as the whole concept is quite 'open' yet concealed. A good short getaway. The only regret that is that we actually missed such a beautiful fireworks, thinking that the sound arose from some performance. Next time, we should be more adventurous and check them out!

July came and I din know that there was a surprise waiting for me at the first hour of my bday. Thanks to the efforts by my dear and my group of friends who were in cahoots part of the surprise. :) A nice lychee martini cake and a Fossil wallet which I love. & YES!!! After waiting for so long, I finally get to attend Fish Leong's concert @ Indoor Stadium! She is just wonderful! Great voice, great singer! :) If there is another chance, I believe I'll go again. =)

Thankew for the surprise!

The most 'wanted' lunch

In August, we managed to obtain tickets to the NDP and this time round, we had 6 tickets!!! So, this time round, on top of my family, my silly ben ben came along with us! It was the first time he went to NDP after his pri school! hahaha! Nice experience and I still like the fireworks segment best! :)

Melting under the hot sun!

Next will be my first trip to Genting in September! Other than the long journey, the trip is great! First time to Genting after spending 24 years on ear and first time to enter and play in the casino. Great experience, great cooling weather and not forgetting the wonderful meals that were fully sponsored by the Uncle. I miss the cooling weather and those nice food! Of cos, I miss going on trips with Ben Ben.

October, a memorable month for the sillys! Yep! This October marks our 3rd year together! :) 1095 days of silliness, happiness and love. It started off with a wonderful lunch, followed by a night at MBS with Simba and Nala. Thanks Dear for the night! 3years of silly times, it is not a short period of time. Thanks for all the understanding and not finding fault with me! Love u!

1095 days and still counting...

2 more months before the end of 2011 and as usual, it was 2 busy months! Nothing much happen in November other than my office retreat at Pulau Ubin and celebrating Ah Heow's bday at 15mins! Retreat @ Ubin was good other than the expensive food + commando mosquitoes! Lots of fun kayaking, beach soccer, captain's ball and card games @ night.  Dinner at 15 Minutes was great too! A simple celebration for Ah Heow cum a mini gathering as well. Haha! It was also the night of the 'red moon' eclipse if I din rem wrongly. Nice catching up with the clique and I'm glad things are going great for most of them! :)

Bday boy & e 2 ladies!

December started with a day spent with my loved ones. Yep. Brought my parents to take the flyer together with the river cruise. It was the first time we went out together with silly dear. First time my parents took the river cruise with us and first time I went on Flyer. We had fun and lots of food. The most memorable part of the day was the flyer. My mom just refused to budge once she stepped into the capsule. She was practically glued to the seat despite our attempts to make her stand up and enjoy the scenery! It was so funny for us but scary for her. Evil us but we just can't help it. Hope there will be more of such trips in future.

The year ended with a blast @ Studio M Hotel consecutively for 2 weeks. First was the xmas countdown with the usual group. We had fun playing with the different boardgames which we had and also the mini-gift exchange. Of cos, we seized the chance to take more group photos & continue to party through the night! We had lots fun with the 'werewolf game' and i had fun maligning my silly dear. haha! A fun and interactive game which made everyone alert to prevent being killed. The following week, me & silly dear went back to the same hotel again with his group of besties - The Refresh Key. Another group of fun people. We went Tiong Bahru Market for some brunch before checking in and then we started the photo-taking, counting down, boardgames & werewolf again. The werewolf game was classic. Some really funny things happened i.e., the same person getting killed first in every game, murderer/detective duno their roles. Finally, we bade goodbye to 2011 and we shared our 2012 resolution. May all of us fulfill our resolutions!

A group of friends whom I have known for quite a while...

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Save your tears for the moment which you really require them. How apt. If we are able to save our tears like how we attempt to save our money, how good that will be. We would not need to shed tears over unnecessary moments or arguments.

Almost reaching a quarter of a century on Earth, what have we learnt? A quarter of a century of wisdom? Of humor? Of relationships? Have we moved on from where we strive to move away from? Or have we learnt to let go of the trivialities to hold onto the important ones? Are we still as naive as we were when we were in primary education?

Most of us are out in the working society whereby we were dreaming of entering when we were young. To learn to be independent, to be able to hang out with our friends, our beloved ones and most importantly - to enjoy life and live life to the fullest. Who knows, we overlook the hidden terms and conditions. The chore of completing homework, studying for exams, looking for the perfect job and soulmate, keeping in touch with the people whom you want to, earning money to chase after all the technological gadgets, all the wants and desires that we never know were so hard to achieve when young.

We overlooked a powerful friend - Change. As we are working hard towards our desires, our dreams, we forget that we are changing...with the changing environment. It is either you change with it or lose to it. Change in the right way and you will be nearer to your goals, taking the risk of losing yourself. Or the people around you. I guess we can't blame one for changing. It is not his or her fault. It is 'Change' fault. Priorities change. Mine change to a certain extent. I believe yours and everyone else change as well. Responsibilities change as well.  If you are able to hang on to your dreams, your changing life and yet keep all the people around you, good for you. However, how possible can that be? People come and go, perhaps, a better way is to let go and give them your blessings. Memories keep us alive but we can't keep living in memories.

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Woke up this morning thinking of you..


阿嬷，您好吗？好久没去看您了。。。

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也许放手没有我想像的那么困难。。。
我想今天是开始的第一步。。。希望不是我做得太绝吧。。。也许是一种自卫的表现。。。
人们都说了，付出的多，伤害就越大。。。所以不要付出太多不就没事？ 也许这就是生存的方程式吧！
加油！不要再掉下去了！！！

再过9天，就是3年了！ 哈哈！ 时间过的真快！！！ But I'm still enjoying every moment with silly! :)

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原来

说了那么多，换来的却是一句 ‘we should reflect ’。。。

无话可说，也许是我们太爱管闲事了。不知道原来你是那么看我们的。。。

感觉心寒，无话可说。。。是时候放开了吗？ 但又舍不得。。。为何我那么逊？

原来一切也没什么了不起。。。原来结果还是一样，以往的努力最终还是徒劳无功。。。

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第二个100天

七月九日，您已经离开我们两百天了。。。

算起来很久，但是，那痛心的一天好像离我们没那么久。。。心好像还隐隐作痛。。。
那几天的情节好像还在我的脑海里。。。

但是您放心，我们会坚强地走下去。。。您会一直留在我心里的。。。

最近，我的 ITouch 一直在放这同样一首歌 － “阿嬷的话”

每次听见这首歌，脑海里都会浮现以前的画面，也会让我不由自主地开始留下眼泪。好怀念那些日子。。。

七月九日，和笨笨一起挑战这首歌时，我真的差点哭出来。。。我避自己把眼泪收回去。。。不是很成功，但是起码没哭出来。希望您在天上能够听见我们的祝福，希望您能看见我们的成功而为我们感到骄傲。。。

这首歌献给您。。。

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HumanTies..

It dawned upon me that I have known most of my friends for at least 12yrs and e most can go up to...15yrs? My god... It seems like yesterday when I first reported to JPS then going to NHSS on the first day with my dad, followed by to SAJC and finally graduating from SIM.. So many years had passed since then. kinda scary isnt it? 


We have been learning alot of things since the day we were borned. New things to be learnt at different stages of life. However, I believe some of the stuffs will be lifelong learning. An example wld be interpersonal relationships...


All of us will meet different ppl in our lives..there will be tough choices to make and tedious efforts to be put in. Ppl always say..it is hard for 2 persons to meet on Earth amidst e billions of ppl. However, I tink maintaining e relationship is harder than letting 2 persons meet.
& I am referring to all kinds of relationships and not just love. 


Throughout the r/s, I believe there will be a lot of misunderstandings and clashes due to both internal and external reasons. What most impt is to be able to know the root of the problem, resolve and walk out of it. I guess this is sth that a lot of us may experience difficulties.


At times, things are just uncontrollable at times, beyond our control. However, it really depends on how much efforts one have put in. Never let your first excuse become the reason of your subsequent excuses. There might be alot of differences between two people and there might not really be a perfect solution to the problem but the main thing is how much efforts you put in to try to resolve the problem. I believe if the other party sees the effort u put in to resolve the differences, he/she will be touched and your excuse will no longer be an excuse but a reason behind your actions.


Of cos, this is not something that one person can achieve. It takes two hands to clap and similarly, it takes two persons to maintain the relationship. How much do you expect one to contribute? What is the threshold for the other party to tolerate? Hmmmm....


Sometimes I really feel tired in maintaining these kinda relationships....how much can i tolerate? How much can I give in? Why am I finding all these excuses for the other party? Nope. Maybe I'm not so thoughtful or good. Perhaps I'm just finding excuses for myself in the excuses for the other party... to avoid the harsh reality? Perhaps. Or maybe I'm just being unreasonable.. Perhaps this would be a better reason ba. Or is this another excuse for myself or the failed relationship? Oh well... I keep telling myself not to be bothered with people who don't care...but I have failed myself...


也许我真的应该狠下心来，什么也不管。当那一天到来时，不要怪我，因为我已经尽力，到了极限了。我不是超人，只是一个普通人，我也会累了。如果你是‘这么’珍惜我们的过去，如果你真的放的下，我也只能放手。毕竟我能做的也只是那么多。

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Miss you.

I still remember, the first time I dreamt of you, I cried. In both my dream and reality. I woke up crying and my pillow was soaked with tears.

It has been quite a while since I dreamt of you...

Last night, I dreamt of you once more. But this time round, I did not cry.

The scene was so familiar. The place where I would stay over with you during the holidays.

Entering the flat, seeing you seated at your usual sofa, eating fruits.

You smiled and called out to me as I called you. 

Speaking with you in my lousy hokkien, we exchanged updates about each other.

Sipping the aromatic coffee brewed by you, you told me your worries.

I held your skinny hands and assured you that he will be fine. He isn't that immature.

Not sure how effective my words are, but I hope it did made you feel better.

Just as we were chatting happily, my stupid alarm clock had to ring and bring me back to reality.

So long grandma...till the next time you decide to drop by my dreams.

您要过得好好，因为我们也会过得好好的。

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1st Quarter

This is the 3rd month of the year. A quarter had passed just like that. Although it is only 3 months, a lot of things had happened. A lot of things both the good and the bad.

CNY this year was really quiet and different. A lot of changes. I din get to go to my aunt's house like past years. Someone dear to all of us were not there anymore. Though we looked happy, though we might laugh here and there, we all know, deep down, all of us ain't happy as before. I guess time don't really heal everything. The pain will still be there for the loss is permanent.

Next came the pre-vday celebration at jewel box. This was my first time taking the cable car from Mt Faber & I was the one who drove up there!!! Wahaha! We had a really good time dining up in the air. All these couldn't have been made possible without my dear silly. Silly dear, I know I have said this many times, but still, thank you for everything. For all your efforts and the surprise bouquet of roses. Your entrance into my life has really created a lot of wonderful moments and memories for my used to be mundane life.

Straight after the celebration, it is the long awaited trip. I shall say that on the whole, the trip was quite relaxing though there were some hiccups here and there. The major one will be my silly dear hurting himself!!! All thanks to the laser quest. This silly boy still attempted to make jokes with so much blood coming of the wound and when I'm already scared stiff.... But glad he is fine... Silly, don't worry k? the scar will not affect your image. Oh well, maybe there might be but minimal k? :)  Your eyebrow will do the trick! :) A different experience and hopefully we can go again, this time with a bit more ppl.

Managed to catch the episode of Homecoming on Jessica Liu. This episode touched my heart. Somehow I could relate to this.

1) Her relationship with her mom is similar to mine. We know the importance of each other but we never display our affections outrightly. We are people who have difficulties expressing our emotions to people who are dear to us. That scene of her and her sister presenting the personalized gift to their mother really made me very touched.

2) The friendship which she had with Ann Kok. She mentioned that she don't need to have a lot of friends for she has Ann, her soulmate and it is enough. How true that is. You just need someone who can be there for you all the while. Be it 'on stage' or 'off stage'. That will be enough to keep you going. At that moment, I really wonder. Who is the 'Ann Kok' in my life? Do I even have one? Yep, maybe I once had. Maybe I still do. But what about in future? At their age, will I still have anyone who is in that category? At times I really wonder. But for now, I just hope that in future, I'll be close to her 'level'...

Fate really plays a part in our lives. I have no doubts about it.
So many entrance and exits in my past 20odd years... So much that I do not dare to pin much hopes about anything.

You may think you have found someone whom you can really confide to... someone whom you can bare your heart to. someone...someone who you once believed that will always be there for you. Oh well, don't be silly. That may never happen at all. Similar to you, there will be people entering and exiting for his/her life. Priorities will change. Perhaps his/her thinking has changed. Even if he/she did not change on his/her own, the people surrounding them may result in their changes. Don't be silly. You won't be that important that he/she will stop his/her world from spinning just for you. Unless you are that important one for him/her. So snap out of it. Don't let him/her get you down just cos of all the past promises, childhood faithless promises. For all you know, you really don't mean a thing.

Perhaps it will be hard for you to find another one to open your heart to, perhaps you find it hard to close up the connecting door. But perhaps you will survive and will be fine?? Just take it easy, let go and all will be fine. =)

I've understand this. What about you?

From now onwards, I'll work hard for myself for the people who really love me. And I will take note of my words and make good of my words.

For those who I've hurt with my words, be it intentionally or not, be it my promises or criticisms, I'm sorry. I will try my best to avoid that in future.

A song so touching yet meaningful...

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Saying Bye to 2010...

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《《外婆》》

今天，我亲爱的外婆离开了我们。

从她跌倒入院已经3天，她也痛够了，3天太久了。

我们都很不孝，让她痛苦了。

虽然我们都很舍不得，但是还是得让她走。

我想，这也是对她的一种解脱吧。

我们应该让她安心地离开。

当护士要我们快点打电话时，我的心真的很痛，

眼泪不由自主地流，手和声音都有点颤抖。

我想这是自然反映吧。

看见我妈哭得那么厉害，我更担心。

还有我的阿姨们，她们到病房时会发生什么事？

虽然外婆离开了我们，但是她会留在我们心里。

她对我们的付出，不会被我们遗忘的。

～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～

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